A Comprehensive List of Things That May or May Not Bring Peace to the Middle East

• Ponies
• More hummus
• A fourth cup of tea
• NATO forces
• Making sure all self-identified ethnic, racial, and religious groups have nuclear capabilities (so no one feels left out)
• Sugar and spice and everything nice
• Explaining to the Israelis and Palestinians that they have been holding the Road Map to Peace upside down, and maybe they should make a pit stop at Denny’s while they figure out where they went wrong
• An evil dictator America can preemptively topple

—A. Kristal

If you liked this piece, check out the rest of the International Issue here!