Aesop’s Less Popular Fables

The Zebra and the Horses

Once upon a time, there was a field full of white horses. One day, a zebra walked into the field. “Hey,” the horses said, “why’re you so stripey?” “Oh,” said the zebra, “I’m a zebra; that’s just what I’m like.” “Well,” said the horses, “we don’t look like that here. You should leave.” “Oh no,” said the zebra, “I’m sure if we play we’ll learn that we’re all the same at heart.” This threatened the horses, so they beat the zebra to death with their hooves.

Moral: Never be different.

The Mouse, the Dog, the Zebra, the Armadillo, the Komodo Dragon, the Star Nosed Mole, and the Kori Bustard

Once upon a time, there was a meeting of all the animals to determine how the jungle would be ruled. The Mouse wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t get eaten by the cats, so he brought the Dog along to form a favorable voting bloc. However, the Zebra insisted that animals form castes based on stripiness, insisting that stripes were clear signs of divine favor. Meanwhile the Komodo dragon refused to be productive until an amendment had been written putting him in charge, since he was the strongest. And all the while, the Star Nosed Mole, who felt that any sort of government was inappropriate, was just being a huge pain in the ass about the whole thing. Of course, the Kori Bustard was only there to sell copies of his autobiography, but nobody cared, because what the fuck is a Kori Bustard? Then the Old Fox hobbled in, and everyone grew quiet. He looked around, smiling gently, and said in a soft voice, “Please be quiet. I’m trying to nap.”

Moral: Probably something about, like, medieval politics or whatever…?

The Man and the Tiger

Once upon a time, a man was wandering through the woods, when he came across a strong and noble tiger whose paw had been caught in a bear trap. The man said, “Tiger, I am sympathetic to your pain, and I will free you, but you have to promise not to eat me when I do.” The tiger nodded solemnly, blinking his sage old eyes, and so the man freed him. As soon as the Tiger was free, he began to attack the man, ripping him limb from limb and feasting on the supple flesh of his legs. As he bled to death in agony, the man asked, “But why did you attack me, when I had shown such kindness to you?”

The Tiger paused, wiping the blood from his savage mouth, and said, “Dear Man, you misunderstand. I am not a reasoning creature with the ability to negotiate. I’m just an animal. Your fallacy was in trying to reason with me at all; I can’t appreciate complex social situations of the sort you seem to desire. In fact, I’m not even talking right now; this is just your brain hallucinating while deprived of oxygen.”

Moral: Don’t anthropomorphize animals.

—M. Nobel

This piece is from the Myth and Legend Issue. Like it? Read the whole thing here!