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Self Esteem? Shmelf Shesteem!
“Healthy children have high self esteem.†Now, doesn’t that sound nice? I mean, it’s “healthy.†Yeah, I don’t buy that any more than the fancy olive-scented cheese they sell at…
Honest Breakup Lines
“I never want to see you again, although I will stalk you obsessively on Facebook and compare your life to mine.†“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou…
The Legal Issue
The Yale Record presents The Legal Issue!…
A Guide to Appraising Ancient Relics
If you’re reading this guide, congratulations! You’ve either discovered something you believe to be an ancient relic or your friends struggle with gift-giving. Either way, we’d get along very well!…
Other Things the DeLorean Could Have Used for Fuel
Christmas cheer Baby tears Canned tuna oil The blinding orange of Marty McFly’s vest Biff Tannen’s hair gel Gravitational force from the all-consuming black hole that would unravel the very…
Dear police officer,…
Dear police officer, What? No, I can’t be charged for that! See, I’m a somnambulist, so I’m not actually aware of my actions while I’m asleep, however heinous they may be.…
Dear Rare Disease Day promoters,…
Dear Rare Disease Day promoters, What a great idea! Now, you can join forces to get the kind of attention your individual ailments are too uncommon to attract. Just one…
Dear children,…
Dear children, I feel like you don’t respect me. You only let me out a few times a week, and when you do, you just laugh and laugh, mocking me with…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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