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Dear Cosmopolitan…
Stop telling your readers to milk our prostates! —Men Everywhere…
Dear Pandora…
Thanks for recognizing that when I created a "Billy Joel" station, what I wanted was not a station that played Billy Joel music, but one which played "Cat's in the…
Dear Karl Rove…
I'd like you to make another appointment to discuss the details of your recent diagnosis, but in layman's terms you look like are made of pudding. —Dr. Andrews…
Dear Apples and Bananas…
I have written a song about you. It is both clever and frank. I hope you like it. —Raffi…
Dear Humanities…
Oh man, I totally should've majored in you. Spending all my millions of dollars on cars and women would be so much more fulfilling if I only knew what enjambment…
Dear Bartender…
I'm about to order whiskey. Please give me a Shirley Temple instead. If any girls ask what I'm drinking say, "Whiskey, because he's a virile man, not a little girl."…
Dear Ape Center Employees…
Will the prankster who taught Kiki the sign language for "fart-bucket" please come see me immediately? —Eileen…
Just So You Know, I Have Sex With My Girlfriend, And This Is What It’s Like
You guys wanna know what sex is like? Well, I can tell you. I can tell you, because I have definitely had sex. A LOT of sex. Yeah.…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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