Dear reader, Hey, who turned out the lights? —Some idiot from a 90s cartoon who doesn’t realize that complete and utter darkness might be a sign that someone has deactivated…
Dear doctor, Leeches? What is this, the 1800s? —A man in the 1800s who has no idea what century he lives in…
Dear KLM, When I was told that you were a nice Dutch airline, I anticipated something more along the lines of free weed and prostitutes, not a personal entertainment system…
Dear Susan, You know, things weren’t so bad, really, when we were together. I know the breakup was rough, but I’m still glad we had each other for a brief…
Dear George Lucas, It’s a bummer you sold LucasFilms to Disney. You should be the one to write and direct the next three films. Sincerely, No one ever…
Dear high school integration, You suck. I hate you. —A man who is either really racist or has a relatively common view of difficult math courses…
Dear Annapolis, Nice town, but a little mainstream, don’t you think? Sincerely, Indianapolis…
Dear Swanson’s Chicken Broth, In your commercials, you say that I should look for your product in the “broth aisle.” First of all: There is no such thing as a…
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