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Home » Archives by category » Mailbags (Page 34)

Dear Yale Admissions Committee…

Dear Yale Admissions Committee, Did you know that I have a new movie out called Cruel Intentions? Oh, yeah—I’m also on the hit series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where I…

Dear Yale Record…

Dear Yale Record, I am a ventriloquist. I am dictating this sentence without moving my mouth. Thank you. Now, I am dictating this sentence while drinking a glass of water.…

Dear Dan…

Dear Dan, Some chick just called. I think she really wants you. Shit, what was her name? I think it was Jessica, or maybe Ann. Andrea? Crap! I’m real sorry,…

Dear So-and-So…

Dear So-and-So, As I have been especially busy of late, I have taken the liberty of dictating this letter to my secretary, Mrs. Watkins. I trust that blah blah blah,…

Dear Jacob…

Dear Jacob, I’m just writing you regarding…hey wait a minute…what was that? Oh my God, there’s a masked intruder in my house! He’s right behind me! Oh God, now he’s…

Dear Then…

Dear Then, You are so yesterday. Scoffingly, Now   Dear Now, “That’s What I Call Music!” Need I say more? Snickering, Then…

Dear Fans…

Dear Fans, 1.    I’m gonna do this letter again. 2.    I’m gonna do this letter all the way up your ass. 3.    I’m gonna fuck yo’ ass up like in…

Dear Stu Cohen…

Dear Stu Cohen, Remember when you spoke up in section, and I replied, “Well, that’s one perspective on the issue”? I was lying. You’re just plain wrong. Please abstain from…