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Dear Pac-Man…
Dear Pac-Man, Abuse of pills and other narcotics is not the way to get rid of your ghosts. —Drug Education Council…
Baseball Statisticians…
Baseball Statisticians, I have invented a new statistic, called the “Raw Excellence and Sex-Appeal Metric (REaS-AM).” To determine a player’s REaS-AM, simply multiply their batting average by the percentage of…
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt…
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, I have a lot of mail that I think belongs to you. —John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt…
Dear Doctor…
Dear Doctor, When I told you I didn’t want to die in the hospital, emphasis was on the not dying rather than not in the hospital. Please come retrieve me…
Dear Heifer International…
Dear Heifer International, I’ve heard that you give cows and goats to impoverished 3rd world families that need them, but I was wondering if you could send one to my…
Dear One of My Awkward Professors…
Dear One of My Awkward Professors, I’m confused. What you just said was not quite funny enough to be a joke, yet it does not make enough sense to be…
Dear Tevas…
Dear Tevas, People are staring at us. I’m beginning to think we shouldn’t go out in public together. —Socks…
Dear Toronto Raptors…
Dear Toronto Raptors, We take offense at the racist caricature masquerading as your mascot. No, not all raptors “play basketball.” Would you use a picture of a raptor “eating watermelon”…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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