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Deer hunting,…
Deer hunting, Is illegal from April to November. —A poorly formatted state law…
Dear man lying in the road,…
Dear man lying in the road, Stop telling lies, silly! Sincerely, The second man who hit the first guy with his car and is trying to lighten the situation with…
Dear kangaroos,…
Dear kangaroos, What are those big feet for? Jumping? Kicking? Compensating for your exceptionally small hands? Tell me! —Harold Bloom, who has small feet, probably…
Dear cancer,…
Dear cancer, You’re making me look bad. I’m just a crab who makes people born in July really sassy and likely to have a good love life this coming week.…
Dear Rutherford B. Hayes,…
Dear Rutherford B. Hayes, Your life sucks, huh? You work hard, day in and day out, to become president of the United States—the most powerful position in the world—and no…
Dear tadpole,…
Dear tadpole, How Polish are you? Only a tad? I can get over that. —A Pole vaulter…
Dear Yale Health,…
Dear Yale Heath, Why are you so far away? I just wanted to frolic in a large English meadow, but you’re like 3 miles away! —A dyslexic freshman…
Dear Melanie,…
Dear Melanie, How could you? You bitch! Not only did you sleep with Stanley, but you did it two nights in a row! And while I was in the bed!…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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