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Dear salad,…
Dear salad, You’re all dressed up with nowhere to go. How sad. —A man eating salad alone and trying to make himself feel better…
Dear Mary Miller,…
Dear Mary Miller, I love your new shirt! —Mary Miller’s stalker, who watches her try on clothes Dear Mary Miller, What you had for dinner last night looked really good,…
Dear students,…
Dear students, Be advised that this winter break, the Yale Fire Marshals will be deploying microwave-sniffing dogs in their inspections of your suites. —Dean Gentry Dear Dean Gentry, Shit. —…
Dear Barack,…
Dear Barack, Last night was fantastic! Oh, wow, you’re an amazing lover! Who cares what people say; we’ll be together forever. —A girl from Montana whose boyfriend is named Barack…
Dear Oxford English Dictionary,…
Dear Oxford English Dictionary, We think you should update your definition of “stinging†to include a portmanteau of “Sting†and “singing.†As in, “Did you go to the Police concert…
Dear pumpkin,…
Dear pumpkin, I am going to scoop out your insides and leave your body outside my house for everyone to see. Enjoy! —A crazy serial killer who calls his girlfriend…
Dear Faulkner,…
Dear Faulkner, It seems to me you’ve had a lot of time to compose your thoughts as you lay dying. I on the other— —A man who didn’t have time…
Dear Lincoln Logs,…
Dear Lincoln Logs, I get it. You think you’re better than me. —Buchanan Bricks…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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