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Dear deer,…
Dear deer, I have nothing to say to you. I just like the repetition. —Hank, age 4 Dear Hank, Well, we have a lot to say to you. Your…
Dear man eating Greek yogurt,…
Dear man eating Greek yogurt out of a human skull, You’re weird. —A man eating plain yogurt out of a human skull…
Dear God,…
Dear God, Thanks so much for giving people legs. We’d be awfully unhappy without them. —A really sarcastic guy who thinks legs look stupid as shit…
Dear police officer,…
Dear police officer, What? No, I can’t be charged for that! See, I’m a somnambulist, so I’m not actually aware of my actions while I’m asleep, however heinous they may be.…
Dear Rare Disease Day promoters,…
Dear Rare Disease Day promoters, What a great idea! Now, you can join forces to get the kind of attention your individual ailments are too uncommon to attract. Just one…
Dear children,…
Dear children, I feel like you don’t respect me. You only let me out a few times a week, and when you do, you just laugh and laugh, mocking me with…
Dear Sam,…
Dear Sam, I get it. We’re biochem lab partners, and you feel like there’s “chemistry†between us. Ha, ha. Well, I’m feeling some “biology†between us–specifically, the part of evolution…
Dear CIA,…
Dear CIA, I spy with my little eye… What? That’s all. I’m just a really good spy, and my eyes are small. —James Bond’s son…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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