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Florida Goes Blood-Red
Tuesday, November 6th, 2012 8:47 PM ORLANDO – With a mere 20,000-vote margin of  victory, Mitt Romney has taken Florida and will receive the state’s 27 electoral votes, despite most…
Internal Monologue of a Baby Being Kissed
Gosh, what a beautiful day. I’m really living like a prince. Woke up, got my bubble bath on, breastfed like a champ, and now I’m off to run errands with…
The Electoral Issue
The Electoral Issue is now available! See some long-forgotten campaign posters, read a list of ways to explain your absence when you’re suspected of being with a mistress, find out…
Video Games You’ve Never Heard Of
Grand Theft Baby Legend of Zelda: Link’s Bloody Death Pokémon Pride Rainbow Argyle Sweater Vests: The Awakening Call of Booty 4: Modern Whore Fares Wii Suicide Bomber Stapler Force 5:…
Memorable Moments in the History of the Harvard-Yale Game
1890: Mysterious time rift opens and transports both starting teams to the field of Super Bowl XXV, 100 years in the future, immediately after kickoff. Since helmets and 250-pound linebackers didn’t exist in…
Other Things You Should Not Do While Going Directly to Jail
Nothing’s worse than picking up an exciting orange chance card only to find yourself heading to the doghouse. You might be thinking: “Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot…
Video Game Character Group Therapy Session
Dr. Mario: Hello, everyone. If this is your first time, my name is Dr. Mario, and I’ll be leading our group therapy session today. I would like to welcome you all and remind…
Proceedings of the 6845th Meeting of the U.N. Security Council, March 2012
The Council President: The Security Council will now begin its consideration of Resolution B/2012/478, a resolution condemning the use of violence against civilians in Syria and calling for an immediate ceasefire. I shall…
Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
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