PG for feline swashbuckling, hairball jokes, seamless integration of stereotypes about Hispanics with stereotypes about cats…
R for roguish Johnny Depp, shabby hotels, all the cool kids drinking tequila to the point of blackout…
PG-13 for pasty-faced spouses, tedious love triangles, helpless swooning…
PG-13 for poor stealing from the rich, rich stealing from the poor, super-rich stealing from everybody…
PG-13 for promise of immortality, promise of sexy old people, ever-so-faint hint of a metaphor…
PG-13 for glitzy special effects, shameless commercialism, blatant pandering to the black-and-white-silent-film-loving masses…
PG-13 for trembling cameraman, torso infections, baseless libel against the excellence of the moon I am sick and tired of movies like this trying to convince me I don’t want…
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