It is here. The advance for which you all were waiting. The great leap forward. We at Lenins ‘N’ Things have introduced a pioneering new line of clothing: “The Contented Worker.”

Tired of drab, olive-colored garb? Sick of utilitarian work-clothes? Well, worry no more! Impress your fellow workers with our new teal and tea-colored shirts and slacks. They will show your comrades that you are just as hardworking and stylish as they are, at exactly the same cost!

Have you no place to store your sickle or hammer? The Contented Worker line features, for the third time, pockets! Plus, you will not worry about getting your clothes dirty or wrinkled. Contented Worker shirts and pants use state- of-the-art stain-repellant and starch technology to keep off distinguishing marx and maintain crisp engels. No need to be stalin; go trade in those textile coupons!

But wait, there’s more! All sales of the Contented Worker line go directly to the people (through the Department to Promote the Equitable Distribution of the Resources Obtained From the People to the People)! These people are not you, but they are equally prosperous and efficient! And you shall not fear a tear in your garments. With our patented-only-in-the-United-States prole-tear-it-not technology, holes, like those in the Tsar and his family, will become a thing of the past, like the Tsar and his family.

“My new shirt is quite satisfactory,” exclaimed Igor Dubrovnik, a satisfied customer. “It allows me to project my allegiance to Mother Russia with a flair of ordinariness.”

“A specter was haunting my wardrobe—the specter of bland evening wear. But by the power of the Contented Worker, it has been exorcised!” remarked another happy worker. “Buying nice clothes—that’s the first line of my manifesto!”

Every shirt, skirt, and pair of pants comes in exactly one size, to ensure maximum equality. Now is the time to make a plan you can complete in, say, five years: go to your local store—or any store—and pick up a set of Contented Worker clothing for all seven days of your working week!

This advertisement brought to you by Lenins ‘N’ Things, with help from our benevolent state and workers like you. Lenins ‘N’ Things: More comfortable than the potato sacks of our peasant ancestors. Still just as stylish.

—S. Stern