Dear J.K. Rowling…

Dear J.K. Rowling,

Can the next Harry Potter feature Harry having sex? With Hermione? In graphic detail? With pictures? And no words? And not so much Harry and Hermione as Harry-who-drank-a-Polyjuice-Potion-and-now-looks-like-Hermione, and Hermione?

And if my parole officer asks, this wasn’t my idea.

—Donald Reese