Dear Passengers,…

Dear Passengers,

Welcome to Philadelphia, PA. We’ve just landed and are almost ready for you to start exiting the plane. In the interest of making the exiting process as quick and easy as possible, we would like to start with any passengers who have large, unwieldy pieces of overhead luggage to unload—specifically, the slow-moving, slightly obese 89-year-old man in the front row. Thank you for traveling with North American Air.

—Your stewardess, Patricia