Dear Rube Goldberg…

Dear Rube Goldberg,

1.    Roll up this letter.
2.    Put it on a long conveyor belt.
3.    Let a hamster-driven wheel lift the letter to a higher conveyor belt.
4.    Let the letter fall from the higher conveyor belt into a chute.
5.    Let the letter fly from the chute onto a vertical spring.
6.    Let the spring propel the letter onto a rotating platter.
7.    Let the platter spin faster and faster until the letter flies off it and lands in the barrel of a cannon.
8.    Let an electrical current generated by a captive eel ignite the gunpowder in the cannon.
9.    Let the letter shoot out of the cannon and be deflected in the right direction by an enormous whoopee cushion.
10.    Bend over and so that the letter lodges itself right in your ass.

Yours,
The Yale Record