Dear Rutherford B. Hayes,…

Dear Rutherford B. Hayes,

Your life sucks, huh? You work hard,
day in and day out, to become president
of the United States—the most powerful
position in the world—and no one
remembers you. Confined to the ranks
of Chester A. Arthur, Millard Filmore,
and Franklin Pierce. I feel for you, man.
No one remembers my presidency either.

—President Stanislas J. Winklethread,
who is insane

__________

Dear Stanislas,

Finally, someone who gets me! It’s
great to hear from such a like-minded
guy.

—Rutherford B. Hayes, who is also
insane. Or was insane. He is dead.