Dear Yale Record…

Dear Yale Record,

I am a ventriloquist. I am dictating this sentence without moving my mouth. Thank you. Now, I am dictating this sentence while drinking a glass of water. Thanks. Finally, I will dictate this last sentence with my head completely wrapped in packing tape. Oh, shit. I can’t get it off! Help! Does somebody out there have scissors? Getting woozy… can’t breathe… blacking ou