1. When you arrive at the party, don’t peg yourself as one of “those people” who makes the same old, clichéd jokes that get made at every cannibal dinner party. Ones to avoid include, “So, who are we having for dinner?” or, “Well, Jake always did want an invitation to one of your get-togethers—I guess he can’t complain now.”

2. Traditionally, Bloody Marys are made using the blood of a woman named Mary, but it is considered impolite to comment if the name of the source was actually “Marie” or “Maria.” It is, however, completely acceptable to refuse a glass of someone with some trashy name like “Maryann.”

3. When pouring someone else a beverage, never jokingly say, “This is my blood, shed for your sins—take and drink.” You don’t want to offend any Christians in the room.

4. If dinner is served buffet-style and the person in front of you takes the last baby, don’t make a scene. This is a civil function; you’re gentlemen, not animals.

5. Your napkin goes in your lap.

6. Don’t try to start small talk with lines like, “It’s a shame your wife/husband couldn’t join us tonight,” before taking a good look at the entrée’s face.

7. Never lick the fingers; this could be taken as a negative statement about the quality of the meal the host has provided.

8. If, during after-dinner drinks, you begin planning a future get-together, remember that it’s bad form to suggest the ex of one of those present as next time’s entrée unless they’ve been separated for at least two weeks—three, if they were engaged. There’s no waiting period for divorcees, though.

9. If you experience symptoms of an STI the week after the dinner party, it is considered good form not to contact everyone who was at the dinner, but rather to contact the host and let him or her contact the guests him- or herself.

10. Sometime during the meal, make sure to get the name of the guest of honor so that you can remember not to ask your friends about him/her anymore.

—L. Sedlacek