Lucky Charms Leprechaun Revealed to be Scottish, Loses Job

Minneapolis, MN – Lucky, the Lucky Charms leprechaun, lost his job today when officials at General Mills discovered he was not actually Irish. In a scandal that has rocked the breakfast foods industry, the long- standing cereal icon was revealed to actually be a Scotsman.

The news first broke when a General Mills intern accidentally discovered the truth while filing employee resumes. Lucky had claimed to be Irish on his resume, but had accidentally included his true home address in Glasgow, Scotland. It is unclear why this fact was overlooked at the time of his hiring, but some have speculated that this oversight was a result of General Mills’ “lottery-style” hiring techniques.

Krissie Goodlie, the intern who discovered the fraud, commented, “I was, like, so surprised, you know? And I couldn’t believe it at first. Because his accent sounds totally Irish. And I should know. I went to England last semester.”

General Mills has issued a public apology to American children.

“I assure you that this scandal has shaken all of us and forced us to reexamine the true nature of our heroes,” said General Mills CEO Donald Montgomery in front of a stadium of representative children who continued to ignore him and play games on their iPhones. “But rest assured that Lucky has been punished for his evil deeds and that this will never happen again.”

Other parties, however, defended Lucky’s actions. Count Chocula, another well-known mascot, commented, “As a Count, I know quality. And Lucky is a vonderful, princely being. He vas absolutely not an alcoholi—vat? Zis is about his being Scottish? Ven vas he supposed to be Irish? I do not get it. Vat is the big deal?”

And Chocula isn’t the only person standing by the leprechaun. Seventeen-year-old Constantine Phillips, founder of a Lucky fan club in Detroit, Michigan, said he doesn’t see a problem with Lucky’s nationality.

“Lucky is an incredible man who has been an inspiration to so many at the breakfast table,” said Phillips. “Whatever he did to get his job doesn’t change the amazing work he’s done. Besides, what the hell is the difference between Scotland and Ireland? Aren’t they both cities in France?”

Lucky was committed to the Minneapolis County Correctional Facility on Wednesday after allegedly trying to flee the General Mills building with several pounds of stolen horseshoes, clovers, and red balloons, and several large bottles of Scotch. He could not be reached for comment.

—I. Strauss

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