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The Deep Number Issue
by the Record staff
Dear Swamped Student,
I'll grant you that extension – you know I will!
– The Dean of Wishful Thinking
Dear Yale Record,
Let's see how smart you are at figuring out this top secret coxe (hint: x=d).
– Xonalx Xoxx
Dear Yale University Dining Services,
My favorite dessert is pie, which I eat about 3.14159 times per week.
– A math student,
Filling out a survey
Dear Aunt Erma,
Thank you for your nice gift. It was very nice, and it helped make my birthday a
very happy one. Thank you, I have used it already and it is a very nice gift.
Thank you,
Billy
Dear Yale Record,
I love you guys! I read one of your magazines at the Last Supper and couldn't
stop laughing. Later, when I was suffering for you on the Cross, I thought of
one of your articles and cracked up all over again.
– Jesus Christ
Dear Construct-a-Letter,
Please write me a funny letter involving Jesus and the phrase "This room smells
like sex." Thanks.
– A Desperate Humor Writer
Dear Desperate Humor Writer,
Great letter, we really laughed our asses off! The whole Jesus concept is pure
comic gold, and when he said "This room smells like sex!" I just about peed in
my pants. Keep up the good work!
– The Editors
Dear Jimmy,
I don't make dirty words out of you and your loved ones, do I?
– Your Alphabet Soup
Dear Jimmy,
OO OO OO O OOO OO O O OOOOO O O
– Your Spaghetti-Os
Dear McDonald's,
It's taken years of therapy and a lot of soul-searching, but I've finally
learned that it's OK to be sad, to have a bad day.
– The Emotionally-Connected Meal, formerly the Happy Meal
Dear Mom,
I'm gay.
Love,
Your Gay Son
This letter has no beginning and no end. Weird, isn't it?
Dear San Francisco Hilton,
I seem to have left my heart in San Francisco, along with my liver, gall
bladder, one kidney, and a wooden pegleg (a family heirloom). Please forward
them as soon as possible, preferably packed in ice (except for the pegleg, which
you should send wrapped in a dry cloth).
– Tony Bennett
Dear Yale Record,
By gum, there's gold in this here concept, pure comic gold!
– A Grizzled Humor Prospector
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