|
That noisy teletype machine
has been in the Record's office for as long as anybody can remember. Its
clacking gets on our nerves sometimes, but we all love the wacky AP Science
headlines that it spits out one character at a time. Our Managing Editor Nick
Danforth writes down the best headlines in his notebook. It's just one of his
eccentricities, like the way he always picks that one scab on his forehead.
– Fabricant
Science Headlines
by Nick Danforth '04
Scientists discover
non-melting wax
"It's wax to the max!" declare excited scientists
Scientists clone very short man
"Now we've got two of 'em!" announce excited scientists
Scientists laminate full-grown sheep
"Next to shrink-wrap a monkey!" excited scientists proclaim
Scientists send paper plate to the moon
"Now, if only we could send another one!" excited scientists fret
Scientists write the book of love
"Do you have faith in God above?" ask excited, dreamy scientists
Scientists catch fire
"Damn, that burns!" scream excited scientists
Scientists resurrect the turtle
"Take that, Jesus!" taunt excited scientists
Scientists adopt base 4 number system
"Kiss those fingers goodbye!" cackle excited scientists
Scientists destroy them all
"Fools!" cackle excited, evil scientists
Scientists unlock the secret of cheese
"Mold!" reveal excited scientists
Scientists burn heretics
"Now for the Catholics!" excited scientists declare |
