Ecology and Evolutionary Biology 230b: Naming Puppies
Instructor: Eric Solnin

If you love tiny little cuddly-wuddly baby doggies, you'll really love learning how to translate their puppy-duppy scrumptiousness into a name. According to one freshman, "you need no prior knowledge for this course. As long as you have a soft spot in your heart for cute little floppy ears, anyone can take it... yes they can, yes they can."

Visiting Professor Solnin, author of The Darling Doggie Name Book has come to teach his own brand of comparative biology. You'll learn to pinpoint the essence of a mini-poochie in no time. One student raved, "I can tell a Fluffy Pie from a Mr. Littlepaws without even thinking about it." Are there dissections? HELL NO! As an EEB major put it, "I learned that I can classify organisms by the cute look in their precious little eyes, the sweetness of their baby doggie breath, and the softness of their fursy-wursy. So soft. So nice. I'm your mommy!"

History 310a: History of Me and Your Mother
Instructor: B. Atch

Reactions to Professor Atch's lecture-oriented history class ranged from confusion to indignation to tacit resignation. "I didn't think that my mother was a whore, a floozy, or a trollop," said a bewildered freshman. "Turns out she was all three." Another student remarked that "class time was spent staring in disgust as the professor loudly presented 'evidence' of my mother's sexual deviance in the form of lewd witticisms and heavily doctored photographs. At times it was too much." "Resistance to the professor's tirades was generally useless," noted a senior science major taking the class for credit. "Anytime I would object, even citing sources, he would shoot me down with "'You like that, boy? Your mama liked it just fine.' It was a humbling experience."

Not all students were as critical of the course. "I learned a lot about my family as a result of this course. Knowing that my mother is a filthy slut will no doubt improve my relationship with her." Added a Berkeley junior, "My mother disappeared when I was a child. We thought she was dead. But after hearing Professor Atch's comforting assurance that he boned her twice last night, I have renewed faith that she is alive and well. I'm going to find her someday."

Ecology 373b/Applied Physics 231b: Shooting Fish in a Barrel
Instructor: D. Donald Harlow

"Shooting Fish in a Barrel" covers all the essentials: distance, caliber, water refraction, you name it. While intended for students with some previous experience in marine ecology, it is not necessary, and many students emphasized the ease of the course. "Man, there is nothing easier." said one, while another echoed this sentiment with, "There is nothing in the world that can prepare you for the laughably simple lab assignments. All you have to do is remember: just point down and squeeze that trigger." While some students were dissatisfied, saying the course was TOO easy - "easy as pie" in fact - none complained about the pleasant atmosphere fostered by Professor Harlow's in-class demonstrations. "It was even more fun than that 'A Barrel of Monkeys' class!"

Psychology 324b: Drug Abuse in Contemporary America by You
Instructor: L. Lindon

Upon learning of such a course, many students become puzzled and wonder, "Isn't that illegal?" and then, "Preference is given to seniors, isn't it?" When they learn even more about it, they usually exclaim, "Oh baby, it's Group IV!"

It gets even better than that, kids. In order to conduct such a class within the narrow confines of United States law, students are registered as subjects in a nationwide study by the Drug Enforcement Agency. Students receive confiscated narcotics, are paid hefty sums for their time and get all the clean needles their little veins can handle.

In a nutshell, this class is about "consuming incredibly dangerous amounts of psychoactive chemicals." Many respondents complained that their schedules were thrown off by the 32 hour crystal meth lab. "We didn't sleep or eat or do anything but work. Nonstop. We went up on scaffolds and kept scrubbing away at the bricks on SSS. It was CRAZY!" The lab experiments did cause slight discomfort at times. One student complained of being, "inescapably fascinated by my belly button," during the acid test. Nevertheless, an overwhelming majority of respondents overlooked the "bad trips," asserting that "I think you're going to be seeing a LOT more of me and drugs from now on."

Religious Studies 467b / Dyslexia Studies 764b: DOG IN MEDIAEVAL EUROPE
Instructor: P. Drome

Bottom line: hard course. This staff writer, for one, had a lot of trouble understanding the reading assignments. It was like I was back in second grade again, doing Phonics exercises. Only this time, all the rules had taken a terrible turn for the wor se. One frustrated student remarked, "There was just so much babble! I felt like everyone else in the class was somehow in on a perverse practical joke being played on me. I mean, come on, why doesn't someone report this to a dean or something? You, yeah, you from the Course Critique. Can't you see what's going on here?"

The professor, however, remains fervently supportive of the importance and relevance of her course. She didn't really say anything specific, but in response to the questions: "Do you take this course seriously?" and "Does it have anything to do at all wi th religion in the Middle Ages?" she nodded vigorously and gave us the "thumbs down" signal, confusing things even more.

Linguistics 315b: Grammar and Vocabulary for Evading Solicitation
Instructor: Asst. Professor W. J. Bryant

Don't take this linguistics course if you're looking for an easy "A." Mixing real-world application with heavy reading in radical capitalist theory, "Evading Solicitation" teaches a method of insulting the homeless that three students separately describe d as "a form of psychological torture so pure, it could only have sprung from the mind of Mephistopheles, Master of Evil."

If one can weather the five hours of homework per night, however, the class has a worthwhile payoff: "I used to get so annoyed when bums would pester me for change," said one Davenport junior. "Yorkside for a slice after 7 [pm]? Preposterous! Nobody wa nted to run 'the gauntlet.' All that practice with Bryant paid off though-now I've got a bag of 'legitimate' excuses that'll last me forever." Every year, Bryant faces questions about the morality of his course, and, rhetorically, about the color of his "black, black soul." Grades are based on how effectively a given student evades panhandlers, with extra credit awarded for particularly withering class-based insults. The course's one graded paper, a "thirty page celebration of deception and hum an debasement," requires students to argue convincingly that he/she is destitute, and therefore incapable of giving Bryant any spare change. "Bryant has you get inside the enemy's head," said an enthusiastic student, "and once you feel like a lazy , greasy social parasite, you know how to fight 'em. Long live Ayn Rand and her gospel of pure capitalism!"

History 327b: The United States 1934 to the Present
Instructor: W. Grewiniecz

Reactions to Wladislaw Grewiniecz's history seminar were mixed. Most respondents indicated that they found the choice of time period to be "arbitrary and ill-motivated," and many expressed dissatisfaction with the instructor. One student remarked that Grewiniecz "treated the World War II era with a shocking degree of sentimentality and nostalgia" while another noted that "the sudden shift from Polish to American history starting in 1938 was disorienting and unnecessary."

Others expressed their concern with the historical accuracy of the material presented. "American history is not confined to Manhattan" noted one outraged History major, while another observed that "America's economic hardships did not end in 1953. It wa s socially irresponsible for the professor to paint a picture of affluence from that point on."

Many, however, found Grewiniecz warm and endearing, noting that "he did his best to insert a bit of himself into every lecture. It almost felt as if he was there to witness all of this history in action." "I loved the class," said one Morse senior, "but I found the final chapter of the reading, 'And That's When I Met You,' rather spooky" and "was dismayed to find pictures of myself in the course packet."

BIO 119b How to Walk My Dog(s) and Thereby Earn Pocket Money
Instructor: Staff

Conventional wisdom suggests that Richard Levin is a giant wuss and that the Yale Corporation is too busy cloaking their billions in tobacco investments to stop the wacky antics of Yale's highest officers-antics, which, as the past semester revealed, often involve the commission of high crimes. In fact, it is often said that the Masters and Deans of Yale's Residential Colleges owe their allegiances to no one but God.

So here's a way for the frugal student to earn extra ducats and kiss some major ass at the same time. All while fulfilling the Group IV requirement! Although class time is arbitrarily decided by the physical needs of the animals involved, the only work you have to do in this class is "walk a dog(s)." There are no term papers or exams and only light reading that you can pick up at Tyco. And here's the kicker-you get PAID FOR IT! Well, if you think this deal sounds "like bliss," you might want to hear from some students who say that you might be "barking up the wrong tree." "This course sucked," remarked one dissatisfied Stilesian, "I learned absolutely nothing." That's not really a surprise to us, guy. After all, weren't you just walking a bunch (or one) of dog(s)?!

Other students had different opinions! "Master -'s dog - was SO cute!!" Another offered, "It was as if every class were a field trip...to a different part of Yale!" And, rather cryptically, one student intimated that "the best part of the course was when we dug the holes."

Reactions to the instruction were mixed. "Master - was so cool. From day one, he just gave me the leash(es) and said 'go!'" However, a freshman girl with allergy problems found that Master - was "no help at all," in addressing her suffering and that, in fact, he "wouldn't even let me trade dogs!"

Dog Walking meets seven times a week and students are on call at all hours, which can sometimes be a bummer to those who prefer not to have "perpetual, neurotic disruption" of their "lives." On the up side, however, this course can open doors to students interested in upper level animal care courses. One student currently enrolled in Biology 383b, What Happens to You When You Get Bit by a Rhesus Monkey: A Lesson in Virus Management, recommended Biology 119b enthusiastically, saying "Dogs is a great class to start out with because they bite too, but not as bad as the monkeys."

Religion 800b: Being God
Instructor: Precedent & Intuition
 

This course deals with the problems encountered by deities, and teaches one how to overcome them. Religion 800a, "Effecting Convincing Miracles," is recommended though not required. Topics include: tolerating moral dissidence, long-term planning, suppre ssing science, and wrath management. Students found the course "surprisingly difficult," faulting both the lack of assistance, and the "frustratingly complex mechanics of chaos." Admission by application only.