Other Things That Thomas Edison Failed 1000 Times At

Saying the word ‘butternuts’ into a phonograph without laughing
Beating Level 6 of Mortal Kombat
Touching his tongue to the tip of his nose
Satisfying a woman
Getting the seasoning just right in his lobster étoufée
Trying not to giggle when the doctor feels for lymph nodes
Putting down the crack pipe, for good
Screwing in the first light bulb

—N. Goel