Preview: Being Elmo

PG-13 for childhood-ending sight of squeaky Elmo voice coming from mouth of middle-aged black man

Release Date: October 21, 2011

This is perhaps the perfect application of the PG-13 rating.

You may be asking: What the hell? What makes this PG-13: the gentle, hardworking puppeteer? The fuzzy red monster beloved by millions of children? The googly Muppet eyes? The copious hugs?

Don’t be stupid. It’s the sight of some guy with his hand so far up Elmo’s butt that he can control Elmo’s face.

In fact, the weirdest thing about this trailer is that this doesn’t seem to bother any of the kids. Do they not notice? I doubt that children would hug me so readily if I went around like that. Although maybe they would if I had a squeaky voice and a bright red pelt.

At least this explains why Elmo always talks in the third person. ~Ben Orlin