Reasons Engineers Chose Yale Over MIT

MIT’s mascot is fucking Tim the Beaver
Brandon Levin’s eyes
MIT’s big “Calculus Under the Sea” and “Suicide Prevention”-themed dances just seemed like too much fun
Seriously though, MIT’s campus is fucking hideous
YES-Weekend was more fun than MIT’s NO-Weekend
I mean, who would choose Boston Common over the New Haven train station and that homeless guy on Elm Street who bites people?
Tim. The Fucking. Beaver
They weren’t wowed by MIT’s 30, count ’em 30, Division III Teams
In an epic battle of cat and mouse, where the cats are mighty bulldogs and the mice are cowardly beavers, cat-dogs clearly defeat rat-rodents
The chance to one day, maybe, have sex

—S. Stern