Signs You and Your Roommate Won’t Get Along

You were told you had a single

They say, “We might not get along”

Their favorite word is “irregardless”

They keep asking if your mom is single

They play avant-garde tuba

They think they’re a minotaur

Their Twitter handle is “Imracistandhavealoudalarmclock”

They put socks on the doorknob when no one’s there

They only communicate via Snapchat

They casually mention their cannibalism

They set up mouse traps in your bed

They keep eating all your computer paper

They’ve been banned from the great state of Arkansas

They mention their cannibalism in a really forced, pretentious way

They are actually a minotaur

—Staff