Things Your Nanny Says to Your Children While You’re on Holiday

Mommy isn’t the first “Mommy” who hung around the estate—just the first who turned out to be fertile.

These bedrooms are haunted by the ghosts of the slaves who built them.

Smokey the racehorse didn’t run away to join the circus; he failed to place one too many times and Daddy sold him for glue.

The worldwide socialist revolution is imminent.

Do you know what Daddy had me put in Grandpa’s food after he threatened to cut Daddy out of his will? Oh. Well, I suppose I shouldn’t say.

Mommy and the gardener weren’t “wrestling” the night you heard those grunting noises.

Batman, the coolest superhero ever, could only become Batman once somebody murdered his wealthy parents. Isn’t that interesting?

— A. Gertler