Wear two monocles instead of glasses

Start offering people “friendship bracelets” woven from your own hair

Read books upside-down because “it’s better for your eyes”

Deliberately misquote Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Ke$ha in everyday speech

Use only deodorant made from crushed mung beans

Rather than music, fill your iPod with Tibetan throat chanting

End all of your texts with, “Sincerely, X”

Build a moat around your house filled with plastic balls

Start using a chamber pot despite your access to a real bathroom

—I. Gonzalez