Dear Applicant…

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for submitting your resume and cover letter. Unfortunately, all of our investment banking positions have been filled. For future reference, correct business letter format includes neither a forgery of my signature, nor a labeled diagram of the “magnetic attraction” you perceive between us. In fact, if you are drawing a heart-bordered picture of yourself holding hands with any current employee, then you are doing something wrong.

Susan Pitcher
Human Resource Director
J. P. Morgan