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Other Voter Restriction Laws

Idaho: Must show proof of sexual identity.
Kentucky: Must be born in a state that starts with the same letter as the one you’re in.
California: One of these polling volunteers always lies. The other speaks only truth. Voters must determine who is who. They may ask one question.
South Dakota: Don’t think of it as a bribe. Think of it as a poll tax without the IRS overhead.
Utah: Children are permitted 3/5 of a vote. Registered Republican children, that is.
Oregon: Screw you, Utah! From now on, we’re only letting children vote. And there will be Voter Ed. classes, and we will provide condoms whether you right-wingers like it or not.
New Mexico: No registration on days ending in the letter “Y.”
Texas: No registration on days beginning with the letters “M,” “T,” “W,” “T” again, or “S.” We got ’em all, right?
Hawaii: You’ll need this panpipe to lull the Three-Headed Pollbeast to sleep before you get into the booth.
New York: We had some state layoffs this year, so voters must program their own voting machines.
Georgia: Everyone votes! As long as they first attend a public screening of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: The Complete First Season.

—A. Gertler


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